Living here frustrates me SO often. I try hard to see all the good things: Nice home, safe community, plenty to do, close to Chicago, not too far from Grandparents, seasons, (although never-ending winter was not what I signed up for), quality schools, and a good job for Kevin. So I should just end it here and count my blessings for they are many. The reason that I struggle with living here is that it does not match who I am, and it does not match who I want my kids to be. It is not easy raising kids against the grain, they tend to notice when everyone they know does it differently.
What do I want? I WANT my childhood for my kids. I want them to appreciate everything they are blessed with, and to know that not having everything you want is ok. I want them to get to try things (and not have it break the bank) without training like an Olympian. I want doing your absolute best to not mean that private tutors most be hired STAT. I want my holidays back to spend with family, and not being afraid to miss a practice, a rehearsal, and sometimes even a competition.
Kids here photograph the number of UGG boots in their middle school closets, and post them on instagram. Kids here sport the new $350 fast suit at mediocre swim meets. New cars at age 16, and college are expected, not a hope. Preschool costs more than a new car payment, and nobody blinks. Nobody ever seems to say, "NO" to any activity that might somehow culture their child. Six year olds own ipads, and every 6th grader seems to have a better cell phone than I do. Spring Break is around the corner, and Naperville will be a ghost town. (Every other family is in Florida or the Caribbean)
It's not just the money thing that bothers me. It is the expectations placed on parents, kids, and families. Ian's swim team just put out the new spring schedule. He has practice at a high school that is not his 2 days each week at 5:10 am. This means that I have to wake him at 4:30 in the morning, and drive him there. Then I have to wait for him, or drive home for 15 minutes and drive back to take him to school. I cannot take any sub jobs those 2 days, and I have to choose to either wake 4 sleeping siblings to come along, or leave them home asleep on days when Kevin is not home or has an early day. There is a very real expectation that he WILL attend all practices at this age, but unless I blink him there, it just is not going to happen. His coach will not accept this as a valid excuse, and I have no choice but to tell him, that sometimes we just can't do it all so ignore him when he gets on you for it. (if you know Ian's intensity level, "ignore it" is not valid advice)
My girls came home from school down in the mouth yesterday. Their BYOT (bring your own technology) devices do not have a camera, or QR scanner capability. Their ipods and Kindles are not able to be used, so they are the kids "without". It embarrasses them, and I know that won't kill them, but I am tired of being the parent who says"no can do"all the time. I am tired of the expectation that everyone can just buy their kids whatever device is at the whim of a particular teacher. I am also stubborn, and even if I had a wad of cash to buy new devices I would not, on principle.
Ian had to use special software(that our computers would not load) a video camera (which meant I had to give him my phone), and when I discussed it with the teacher she flippantly told me she "wished parents would pay attention to what schools need for kids to have when they buy computers"
I will admit that not every kid here is bratty or spoiled. My kids have lots of nice friends, and as far a Naperville goes we live in a less uppity area than many. My friends are some of the most caring awesome people I have ever known. Our church has a strong youth program, and my kids have had mostly positive experiences with the kids they know there. It is more the culture of this place. The what normal looks like that makes me feel like I live in the twilight zone.
2 comments:
Theresa - this is outstanding. I am so glad to hear a down to earth perspective. You are exactly right on track. I truly admire you.
I could not agree with you more. Your instincts as a Mom are dead on. Although this is the toughest part of parenting (saying "no"), when it seems impossible, I'd challenge any of those teachers or coaches to be close to the parents that you are. Triplets can't be an easy thing, financially or otherwise. Ian sounds like a wonderful young man. It is you and Kevin who made him that. His coach did not. There needs to be a happy medium for the sake of family. My son Joe was in a VERY competitive and elite high school basketball program with a coach who worked them like dogs with KU (yes, Kansas) workouts in 10th grade for the varsity team. Ended up that he had a great HS career and opportunities to play in college, but he was so burned out by his HS coach that he had no desire to play at the college level. Never allow anyone to make you or your kids feel that you aren't doing an excellent job. You are. It's that simple. Lyndsay wanted a Barbie Dream House. She never got one. Instead she had to use her imagination and a cardboard box. She is now making a hefty salary as a Human Resource Director for a fortune 500 company. She thanks me now and then for keeping her down to earth as a child. As long as they are loved and they know it, you're A-OK!
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