My girls brought this home from school for Mother's Day

I did not write this, but I thought it was funny...


MOM- JOB DESCRIPTION-
POSITION:MOTHER, MOM, MOMMA

Job Description: Long term team players needed for permanent work in an often unstable environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hours shifts on call. Some overnight travel required including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 or turns 21. Must be willing to bite your tongue repeatedly. Also, must posses the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from 0-60 mph in three seconds flat, in case this time, the screams from the backyard are not just from someone crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be available to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half-million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more!

Benefits: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.