I have realized that as much as I love being with my kids, and as much as I know I'd be miserable trying to balance work and home, I am always looking for that one project that will make me feel like I am completing a task. When I was teaching there were daily lesson plans, and weekly plans, and culminating projects. There was a start and a finish to each thing I attempted.
There is no start or finish to this. Each day I do the same things as yesterday all over again. I swim upstream for that tiny bit of progress that allows me to end a day feeling one step ahead for tomorrow. I measure these tasks in the tiniest increments too. Ian's backpack is ready for the next day, the kids all had a bath, I am going to get to sleep on freshly laundered sheets. Every now and then I wonder if this is how I thought my life was going to be. Did I have bigger dreams than this?
Then Ian aces a spelling test, or Jilly brings me a book to read, or Holly whispers " I love you" when I am putting them to bed, and I realize that these years are so short. In about five minutes there will be too much time. They will hardly need me for anything. So for now, I will be content chasing my tail, repeating each day the same household tasks as yesterday, and knowing that the progress is in who these kids turn out to be.
1 comment:
No job is as big or as important as being mom. God has blessed you and entrusted you with these 4 (5!)little beings. Your hard work and perserverance will be revealed through them for years to come.
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