The morning was busy, as I took Ella, Holly, and Jilly for their semi-annual dentist appointments. All three were given a good review, with the exception that Jilly needs to floss a little more on the upper right side- a little more than what Never? Have you met Jilly? Have you tried putting 4 kids under 5 to bed at night? How many things can we add to that routine?
I seriously LOVE the pediatric dentist. The girls were asking how many hours until they get to go there.. never remember that when I was a kid. They take the kids away when you walk in the door, and you get them back when they are done. There is quiet music, and coffee for the waiting parents. Even Hadley was given her choice of a new toothbrush, and made all over. If I had not taken her along, I could have vegged out and read People magazine.
After the dentist I took the 4 of them to the grocery store for a big shopping trip. We were pretty much out of everything. It went surprisingly well, and no one got yelled at, or left behind. After that it was home for a very fast lunch, and off to school/nap. I have made dinner for tonight, and doubled it for one to freeze. If only the laundry fairy would show up, it might look like something was accomplished by bedtime today.
It is days like this that make getting a job seem like the most ludicrous thing that I could ever do, yet I still feel a little pull in that direction. I would like to have something that I could do from start to finish. I would like to contribute to the family income again, and I would like to do something outside of my kids. That part feels a bit selfish, but I really am finding myself caught up in who they are, not who I am. If Jilly has a tough day at school, I feel like a failure. If the kids fight all day I take it personally. I think that I would like to have some type of project that has nothing to do with them. Something that would allow me to test my own skills again, and be able to see more concrete successes. I know that this is the most important thing I will ever do, it is just not always the most gratifying thing at the moment. It is tough to stand back and look at yourself as a parent without either being too critical, or letting too much slide.
I am off to pick up the girls, then Hadley will be up, and Ian will be home. There is homework to do, baths to give, laundry to fold and put away. There are endless stories to listen to , not all of them with a plot, fights to referee, and snacks to hand out. At around 7 pm there is a silence so big that it can be felt, and I will sit my butt in a chair, and review all the things that I could have done more efficiently, and points I could have made more gracefully. I will think ahead both to tomorrow as a new day, and the future grown-ups I am helping to create. Then I will probably do something profound like fall asleep in front of the T.V.
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